Welcome to ReelChat

Hi! I am so glad you are here. My name is Caitlin. I am 36 years young, and I navigate life with OCD, depression, and bipolar disorder. However, at my core, I am a resilient and quirky woman beaming with love and hope. I embrace my roles as wife, mother, daughter, friend, gymnastics teacher, mental health blogger, and so much more. Mental illness does not define me; rather, it has shaped my journey and inspired this beautiful life I get to live. I find gratitude in my struggles, as they have fostered deep empathy and led me to create this very blog.

Throughout my life, I have grappled with OCD, but it was only in my early twenties that I began to develop a range of other mental health challenges. It all began during my senior year of college when I endured a devastating sexual assault, an experience that left me burdened by shame and silent suffering. Like many victims, I found myself in a cycle of self-blame. As time went on, days morphed into months, and those months turned into years, leading me to drift further away from my authentic self and the values that truly mattered to me. Keeping this a secret was my only mission.

I began to see my life as split into two distinct phases: before the assault and after it. In the aftermath of that incident, I graduated college, got married, welcomed two children, got baptized into the Catholic Church, joined way too many mom groups and book clubs, and made an impulsive attempt to run a half marathon without a solid training plan, which led to a painful hip injury. For years, I packed my schedule to the brim, making it feel impossible to slow down. I often longed to share the truth about that tragic spring day in 2011 with my husband and family. I wanted to explain the real reasons for my delayed graduation, the secret credit card accounts, the weight I had gained, and the real reason why I was never home. The truth is I was too overwhelmed by shame and guilt. Despite knowing I was loved and that support was available, the lies clouding my heart and mind drowned out that truth. For years, I battled the belief that I deserved to be raped, viewing it as a punishment from God, which left me feeling utterly worthless.

The cycle was viscous. There were days when I could set aside the weight of my past and embrace my true self. I would enjoy moments with my kids and date nights with my husband. However, it was only a matter of time before my past would sneak back in, infiltrating my thoughts like a slow, persistent gas leak. During these times, I often found myself in a manic-like state, experiencing fleeting bursts of confidence and a sense of invincibility. But it wasn’t real. It was my brain’s way of numbing itself. I felt compelled to keep moving, as slowing down meant confronting my grief and relinquishing those brief moments of “happiness”. This is when I often became reckless and distracted, seeking validation in all the wrong places. Once the mania subsided, I would be left breathless from the emotional sprint. Initial feelings of rage and shame would quickly give way to a profound depression, where I went from feeling everything to feeling absolutely nothing.

I lived this way for 6 years, one reckless choice after another until a profound unraveling brought me to my knees. I didn’t just hit rock bottom; I more slammed into the rock, shattering into pieces. This moment marked a turning point, pushing me to step out from the shadows of shame. I realized I could no longer live this way, as my actions were impacting my loved ones, especially my husband and two innocent children. Reaching this critical point made it clear that my situation was life or death. I choose life. With my husband by my side, I opened up and sought the help I desperately needed. And it was in that darkness I discovered a glimmer of hope.

I will never forget that crisp autumn day in 2017, sitting across from a psychiatrist with my head bowed in shame as she listed off conditions like PPD, PTSD, bipolar disorder, and depression. That day, I laid bare my soul, confronting my deepest fears and secrets. I soon started on a regimen of mood stabilizers and antidepressants and embarked on an intensive therapy program, working with my incredible therapist and psychiatrist to unravel the trauma and initiate my healing journey. As I acquired the necessary tools, something remarkable began to happen—I started to transform. Emerging from my cocoon, I took steps forward, and I will never forget the moment I began to hear the birds chirping again and truly felt the sun's warmth on my skin. In those simple yet profound moments, I realized just how far I had wandered.

Therapy has truly been a transformative experience for me. While it hasn't always been easy, the rewards have been invaluable. Through these sessions, I've experienced significant healing, personal growth, and maturity. I finally confronted my OCD, which I was diagnosed with in 2011 but have dealt with my entire life, recognized my people-pleasing tendencies, identified toxic influences and relationships, and addressed deep-seated wounds I was previously unaware of. With the right treatment, I've learned to manage my conditions effectively. Now, my lows aren’t as low, and my highs are not as high. I still struggle with bouts of depression and my OCD can probably be seen more than I’d like to admit but I feel ZERO shame. I am who I am and I’m profoundly thankful for therapy and the advancements in modern medicine. In many ways, my healing journey has just begun. I've come to realize that if I'm not growing, I’m dying.

Enter ReelChat.

After years of therapy and self-discovery, I felt a deep calling to give back. It was time to empower other women to reclaim their strength and rediscover their voices. I envisioned a community of genuine women ready to move beyond superficiality aka ditch the highlight reel. Thus, ReelChat was founded in February 2021, built on the core principles of trust, open-mindedness, and acceptance. This community is designed to support and uplift fellow “chatters,” creating a safe space for sharing struggles and seeking guidance from those who have walked similar paths. Covering a diverse range of topics from fitness and organization to anxiety and depression, ReelChat aims to provide women with the tools they need to enhance their lives.

Together in solidarity, we are stronger, we are braver, we are wiser.

ReelChatters, welcome home!

E-mail- reelchatnet411@gmail.com

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I love having guests on my blog too! If you (or someone you know) would like to discuss your journey with mental health/and or wellness, please e-mail me! I would love to have you! No prior writing experience needed.